Appreciating Dad-vantages

Happy Father’s Day to all of you, Dads. I am writing this on Father’s Day, but your special day will be gone by the time you read this. I hope your day was Spectacular and that your children appreciate you as much as you deserve. 

We all know by now that Dads are essential to children in teaching them many things that only Dad can teach. I call them “Dad-vantages.”

Studies, through many decades, have shown the advantages of having a Dad in the home.  The data show that children raised by biological parents are far more likely to graduate college and avoid prison.

They are also less likely to engage in sexual activity at a young age, less likely to become dependant on drugs or alcohol, to drop out of school, or commit suicide. The list could go on and on. 

Children who have Dads that are involved in their lives are better off in almost all cases. They grow up with better social skills. They tend to have closer relationships with less conflict.  Because Dads are less likely than moms to give in to what children want, kids with dads are better at compromise to get results.

Dads tend to play rough and tumble with kids. One study contends that this activity helps kids regulate their emotions. 

I remember this activity well with my husband and our girls. He would wrestle with them around on the floor. He played pretty rough but they loved it. Mom would complain that they were going to get hurt. This activity went on until I complained that they were getting too old to be tossed around. Little did I know that he was helping them to develop control of their emotions.  

My youngest daughter loved Dr. Seuss. Her favorite book was “Green eggs and Ham.” My husband tired very quickly of reading that book over and over. He engaged in negotiations with her that he would read additional books as long as one of them was not, “Green eggs and Ham.” I think she bartered with him and got up to a 3 for 1 exchange. That was a valuable lesson for her in the art of negotiation. There were times when “Green eggs and Ham” was worth giving up the other books and she insisted on that one. He never broke his agreement with her though. I can’t remember how long that “deal” went on.

The importance of a father in a child’s life is indisputable. The data are overwhelming in support of maintaining a father’s presence in the life of his children.

Sadly, there are many families today who don’t have both parents in the same home. That shouldn’t mean that children are without one of the parents. Usually, the parent who is not in the home, after separation, is Dad.

I have sponsored a bill in the North Carolina Senate, SB 576, to make “Shared Parenting” the default position. The bill will establish a presumption of joint custody and shared parenting. 

North Carolina does not have a good record of making certain that fathers get an equal opportunity to spend time with their children in the case of divorce. A 2022 Shared Parenting Report Card grades North Carolina a D -. This means that most of the time, the mother is awarded custody and fathers have only visitation privileges. That visitation time is sometimes rare. 

I met with a wonderful young man who is allowed visitation with his son every other weekend. There was no argument that he was not a good father, but the judge ruled that the child needed a more permanent arrangement. That sounds unfair to the child and the father to me.

Of course, some lawyers are opposed to this “shared parenting” rule. The argument is that we already have this and that judges have discretion to administer these fairly. 

I don’t believe that is the case, but if it is, it certainly is not working to make certain that fathers are treated fairly and that parenting is equally shared. The data show differently. 

There can’t possibly be that many who do not deserve to share parenting responsibilities equally. Fathers and children are suffering the consequences of these judicial decisions.