Perception Can Be Reality

Perception sometimes becomes reality. Therefore, we must be aware of how some things are perceived.

I’m reminded of an incident that explains exactly the honesty of a little child. Many years ago, my husband sent me flowers. My daughter asked, “Is it your birthday?” I said “No.” “Then why did Daddy send you flowers?” I answered, “Because he loves me.” She was satisfied with the answer.

When Dad came home that night and we were having dinner, she asked, “Daddy, why did you send Mommy flowers and it’s not her birthday?” He said, “I don’t know, I just felt like it.” “Golly, Mommy thinks you love her.”

In her mind, somebody wasn’t exactly telling the whole truth. These were two different stories.

The innocence of a child is so precious, and they are certainly honest. I am reminded that very young people and old people are extremely honest. Perhaps they just instinctively know that this is the best policy. Perhaps, because the young have recently come from Heaven and the old folks will soon be returning that they have a sixth sense about honesty.

Honesty is always the best policy. Just as our Mothers taught us. So why do we have so many who refuse to remember that rule.

Society is built on trust. Once someone loses trust, it’s very difficult to regain that same level of trust. Studies done at the University College London show that lying one time makes it physically easier to lie in the future. I think most people would agree with that study.

My husband is probably the most honest person I know. I’ve had to teach him that when people ask your opinion, you don’t need to be so honest as to insult. Is there such a thing as being too honest? I think there may be.

A friend, years ago, asked him how he liked her new hairdo. He went to great lengths to tell her it wasn’t becoming, and she should go back to the old style. I had to tactfully tell him, to be more diplomatic next time. I coached him to change the phrase to something like, “I liked the old style better, etc.” Or to simply say, “I thought it looked great the way it was.” He has improved his tactfulness somewhat. He still has a way to go.

Our youngest daughter adopted the same policy. When Dad would come in at night and complain to her older sister about leaving stuff in the driveway, she would jump up and say, “Daddy, don’t fuss at her, I did that.” Talk about closing an argument. That did it every time.

An article in Psychology today talks about honesty being a veiled form of self-indulgence. I never considered it like that but the may be onto something. The article claims that sometimes when we are completely honest, it’s a relief factor for us. But it can be painful to others with whom we may be sharing. I think the example above of my husband being too honest might be what they are speaking of. The author points out that unloading our burden is not always the best way to show honesty.

I guess that might be what my mother meant when she said, “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything.” She shut me up many times with that statement and reminded me that there was always something good in everyone and that is what I should focus on.

The lesson for us is that honesty is always the best policy. But we must wrap it in kindness at the same time.